A Disappointment and A Regret - Collide
by Jugband Arnold
Summary: AU. One shot. Unless you really want me to go on with this. Which I don't think you will.
1. Chapter 1

_A.N: Set in Nirvanaland . Where we are to spend eternity with our soul mate. Why does my brain think of twisted situations? If only I knew why._

* * *

Of course Gail Peck got to Nirvanaland . After leading a long life spite having one of the most dangerous jobs on the planet, Gail had died peacefully at the age of 60. She had no regrets whatsoever. She had been a good cop, an epic detective and an honest wife to Chris. Yes, Gail had married Chris, after years of fooling around the dating pool and realizing all men were jerks and that it would probably be best to spend forever after with the most dependable jerk, Gail had married Chris and the two had managed quite a good marriage, till Chris had died a few years back. So when it came to pass, Gail was at peace with herself. Till she reached Nirvanaland that is.

The whole process of dying and reaching Nirvanaland had left Gail in quite a whirl. For starters, she was 29 again and somewhere according to the laws of Nirvanaland , would remain at that age forever. Gail didn't mind that much, glad to see her hair now was blonde instead of pale white. The procedures of Nirvanaland were insane. She was handed an address where she was to find her soul mate and begin their infinite life together. After reaching the address which was handed to her, she for the life of her could not believe who was sitting forlorn ,staring at the ground, at the base of steps which led to a huge house. Gail gasped at the sight before her, wondering if there was a mistake of some sort.

"Holly?"

Holly looked up. On seeing Gail stand there, a rush of emotions took over her. Waiting 30 years for someone was too damn hard. Even if it was in Nirvanaland.

Gail approached Holly, walking slowly and trying to process what exactly was going on. Holly? Holly Stewart was her soul mate? Or was this some sort of passage to get where she had to be? Gail couldn't comprehend anything around her. The rest of their environment was a blur. It was as if only the two of them existed in that point of time. Gail sat down next to Holly and looked in front only to see their surroundings where ephemeral and for now, they were seated at the base of the house which was now deep in snow. Gail was dressed as her usual 29 year old self - pair of jeans and a blouse to match, Holly dressed in a similar fashion as well. They were in roughly 6 inch deep snow, but neither of them felt cold. This really threw Gail off and she found herself reaching for her pockets to shelter her hands from the cold she didn't actually feel.

Gail sat silently next to Holly, trying to make sense of everything. _Holly was dead? When had she died? How did no one tell her about this?_ A lot of questions were running through Gail's mind but the most significant one was whether her journey to find her soul mate was over or not. She turned to look at Holly who was staring forward, her face wearing a weary expression.

"I'm sorry you died." Gail started, not exactly sure of what to say. It's not like you meet your dead friends everyday.

"Thanks."

Gail studied Holly and tried remembering the brunette from her memories. The woman next to her seemed to be carrying a lot of guilt, hurt and pain. Regret laced her eyes, her words were pained with misery and she seemed extremely discontented for someone in Nirvanaland .

"So, I was told to come here," Gail began, slightly apprehensive to bring up the whole 'soul mate' deal.

"Yeah, I know."

"So...?"

Holly took a calming breath and turned to face Gail, pain deeply etched in her face.

"It's me Gail."

Gail's natural instinct was to laugh. _Holly was her soul mate?_ The thought seemed too absurd to comprehend even. _The dorky forensic pathologist who Gail had worked with for a few cases was her soul mate?_ Gail was finding the whole situation hilarious, sobering up a little as Holly slowly turned to look forward again. Gail's laugh slowly waned, till she realized this was no joke.

"You? You are my soul mate?" Gail clarified, seriousness seeping into her voice as it dawned on her that this was not a facetious situation. Holly did nothing but nod in silence.

"That. " Gail stopped short, too stunned to continue. Holly didn't move an inch and seemed too exhausted to do so anyway.

"That doesn't make sense." Gail stated turning to look at Holly, who was bracing herself for more pain.

"I mean I was married to Chris. For 25 years. This doesn't make sense. I'm gonna see if there's some mistake or something." Gail got up, as if to magically reach wherever she had come from, when the environment suddenly morphed into the busy streets of Toronto and she realized wherever she was, Gail was stuck for good. There weren't any do-overs in this place, and apparently, no mistakes.

Holly hadn't moved an inch. She knew Gail couldn't exactly go anywhere, so she didn't bother stopping the blonde from wandering off. Gail learnt her lesson on Nirvanaland and sat down next to Holly once again, cradling her head in her palms to make sense of the whole situation.

"This doesn't make any sense!" Gail exclaimed, raising her head and gesturing wildly, the totality of the situation hitting her hard.

"Well Gail, were you expecting Chris?" Holly sighed, too pained to fight the blonde.

"Well, I wasn't expecting you!" Gail yelled, sorrow now taking over her own voice.

Holly took a deep breath and closed her eyes. This was not how things were supposed to go. Holly immediately regretted closing her eyes, as all the memories came back and assaulted her. Holly had met Gail on the Robby Robbins case and was quite struck with this snarky police officer, but however had kept her feelings in check and been a good friend to the blonde by being her plus-one to Frank and Noelle's wedding and helped the blonde blow-off steam with some impromptu baseball. But that was it. She didn't run into Gail as much as she had hoped to, and Holly being the passive person she was (in relationships, that is) never took the chance to approach the blonde and tell her about her feelings. Instead she applied for the Medical Examiner post in San Francisco and had left Toronto 3 months later. She merely left the blonde an e-mail that she was leaving Toronto and had left everything and ran-off from Toronto, without giving the chance for Gail to bid her goodbye even.

Gail, in her usual fashion took everything in her stride and Holly was out of her mind and she was thrown into more work.

3 years later, Holly had been bashed into by an SUV and that was that. Holly had never gotten over how she had died - in a flash everything she ever worked for had vaporized and all that filled her mind was the woman she had a crush on and never told. The woman whom she had clearly never gotten over.

Reaching Nirvanaland , Holly was told her soul mate was alive, and she would have to stay alone till her soul mate passed away and reached Nirvanaland . Holly agreed, not exactly sure if she could ever live with someone else while Gail held her heart. Walking into the huge house which she was allotted and was quite bare in all its furnishing, Holly slowly approached the fireplace above which a sole frame hung. Seeing blue eyes stare back at her from the photo, Holly clutched her mouth and cried. Tears of joy or tears of pain, she would never know.

Perhaps the most painful part of the whole part was the regret. Holly never got over the fact that things would have ended so differently if she had just taken a chance. She could have sneaked the blonde a little kiss while she was completely drunk with her in the coat room. She could have tried to check on the blonde when she heard about the shooting at the precinct. But she hadn't and now she had to wait for God-knows how long for Gail to get to her.

The house had a television as well, which she turned on after she felt she had cried enough seeing Gail's photo in her uniform. The television seemed to have odd channels however. All of them were sort off live feeds to her loved ones. One channel gave her feed of her parent's house, where Holly saw her mother staring crestfallen at her own old bedroom. One channel was of her sister's, who was looking down at her phone and crying seeing her previous messages with her. A few other channels gave her a look at a few colleagues and their progress on their work. The last channel was one which gave Holly a live feed of Gail's life.

Holly was enraged now, at herself, at everything. She wouldn't have minded begging for another chance to set the record straight, but Nirvanaland had very strict rules about that. Utterly frustrated, she threw the television control at the television, and surprisingly, it bounced back and fell to the floor.

This was torture.

Perhaps the most painful day in Holly's life was when Gail suggested to Chris that they should get married.

"Oh Gail."

She wept, she knew anything she did wasn't going to change the situation. It had been so hard to watch Gail's life as it unfolded. She had seen Gail grow into an awesome detective with sharp instincts and a knack for catching criminals. She had also wished with all her heart she was by her side as Gail stumbled through life. Every day of Gail Peck's life caused Holly only more pain, as she knew this was not how things were supposed to be. Holly had dreamt up a million scenarios on how _she_ would have proposed to the blonde officer, if she had played her cards right. But there was no point in dreaming here in Nirvanaland .

Everyday Gail spent with Chris had only saddened Holly more than she was the previous day. She was glad Gail didn't go through life alone and had someone to share it with, but there was this part of her that kept nagging her day and night. The fact that the life she was seeing on this television screen could have been hers ate away at Holly's heart. She became a shell of the woman she was, utterly lost and despondent in this lonely land.

Holly opened her eyes and looked at Gail. She felt like crying once again, but a long time of crying over Gail had left Holly utterly spent. She couldn't find it in herself to cry anymore.

Gail was flustered, running her hands through her hair and was gripping at straws. _Holly was her soul mate? It was someone she had known after all and not some magical mysterious person?_ Gail was now even angrier, rage taking over.

"How was I have supposed to know!" Gail yelled out at no one in particular, perhaps the management team of Nirvanaland . The part that was hurting Gail the most was the fact that she could have been with Holly. She could have just as easily married Holly and lived with her soul mate. _If she had only known._

"HOW WAS I HAVE SUPPOSED TO KNOW!" Gail screamed. This was painful and Gail felt like someone one crushing her heart in a tight vice. This was not how love was supposed to feel.

"I was supposed to kiss you at the coat-room." Holly whispered back, remembering the moment clearly.

"Huh?"

"The coat-room Gail, at Frank and Noelle's wedding. I should have kissed you then."

Gail was stunned at that reply. _The coat-room?_ It was a long-forgotten moment in history, but Gail recollected it easily.

"Why didn't you!" Gail exclaimed. This was horrifying. _She could have been with her soul mate all this time?_ This was insane. Gail had resorted herself to believe her soul mate would be someone along the likes of Hannibal Lecter or Patrick Bateman, but sweet, wonderful Holly? In her wildest dreams, Gail couldn't see herself deserving someone like Holly.

Seeing Gail's frustration only served to rile up Holly as well. Holly was shaking, but her reply came out as smoothly as she could manage.

"I was scared Gail! I didn't want to lose you as a friend. But let me tell you this, there is nothing I have regretted more that not kissing you in that coat room."

Gail didn't know what to do. She rubbed both her hands against her face, memories of the brunette taking over her mind. She went back to their conversation at the morgue.

"Holly, I'm like a cat."

_Was it her fault? Had she in an attempt to protect herself scared off the one person whom she needed in her life?_ Gail was now racked with guilt as well. This was not how Nirvanaland is supposed to be.

"You know what the irony of it all was?"

Gail turned to see Holly, the brunette's tone bitter and biting.

"I was a forensic pathologist Gail. I was supposed to talk for the dead. And then I died. And _then_ learnt that I should have spoken for myself when I was alive, which all those other dead people on my table should have done. I thought I was talking for the dead, Gail. I wasn't. I was barely scratching the surface of all of what their lives were. And I thought it was worthwhile and it deserved my unwavering attention. And then I DIED GAIL. And I saw what the coroner said examining my body at my autopsy. And it was exactly what I would have said if I were him. And it was nothing compared to what I wanted him to say. It was nothing Gail. And in that moment I realized how superficial my job is. How unbelievably unjust. And that I needn't have thrown myself in my work as I did. I should have been with you. I shouldn't have run off to San Francisco. I should have been with you. "

Holly was crying by the end of her speech and Gail for once forgot her own pain, seeing the brunette broken to pieces. Slowly shushing the brunette, Gail made Holly rest her head on her shoulder, the simple action calming Holly as well as herself down.

"I guess we've got eternity to figure this out then." said Gail, trying to her hardest to be calm.

"I guess so."

_A.N: Do you really want me to continue this? _


	2. Chapter 2

White. That was all Holly could make out. The last thing she could remember was leaning into Gail as she utterly broke at the end of her rambling and now she seemed to be somewhere entirely different. It took Holly a while to discern her surroundings. Holly couldn't make out if this was Nirvanaland or not. They had their twisted rules - but this wasn't one of them she had known of. All Holly could make out was cool - almost stinging - steel against her back with a bright light which seemed to shine right on her face and Holly struggled with the bright white light till she realized she couldn't actually move. Suddenly it hit her.

She was on an examination table.

The sudden realization hit her hard and she would have jerked up right - if she could move her body.

All this was pretty traumatizing for her. The typical science-nerd she was - she had never stopped to consider how the victims she were examining would feel under the conditions she was forcing on them. The light of course was the most terrifying. Holly vowed that if she did become her old self at the end of all that seemed to be going on - she would definitely be more considerate with the light hereafter. If she ever got back to Earth, that is.

_Who would have thought the damn light was so traumatizing._

Holly tried calming herself down - an activity she usually did by breathing(even in Nirvanaland) but here - her body refused to heed her desperate claims for some form of motion. Utter silence, cold metal on her skin, blinding light shoved in her face. Not exactly a heartening trio.

_Anything. Just get the light away from my eyes!_

Holly was now in full-on panic mode. Where the hell was she! What was going on? Was this some pound of flesh she had to pay now that she was finally united with Gail?

Holly was forcing every fiber of what she believed was her to move her body and just shove the bright light away.

_What was going on?_

After feeling she had fought for ages against the bright light, and just as Holly was on the verge of giving in to the excruciating torture she was being put through, Holly felt something rather odd.

She could feel time - speeding up? Slowing down? Going back? Forward? She couldn't realize what exactly was going on - but one thing was for certain - she could slowly feel herself again. She could feel her muscles, her skin - her breathing and most of all - her nerves seemed to shoot back to life -_or so it seemed._

Squinting away from the bright light, Holly opened her eyes and saw exactly where she was.

It felt like someone had pressed pause on her life - because here she was - standing infront of the very SUV that was going to bash and kill her.

If dying once wasn't terrifying enough - reliving that critical moment in time was even more horrifying.

_Was that what the white light was?_ Holly couldn't still comprehend why she was brought back to this moment - in the strange fashion she had been brought back.

_Haven't I been tortured enough?_

Holly had to wait - in desperation and patience for Gail - and now that she had her - was she going to be seperated from her again? Surely Nirvanaland wasn't that cruel.

Holly surveyed the scene around her, waiting for some sort of sign to show her what exactly she was supposed to do here. None arrived of course. That was how Nirvanaland worked. If there wasn't anything to say - there wasn't anyone to inform you of that. You just had to fumble through it yourself. _Pretty much like life._

Moving away from the spot she had been standing, Holly was finally able to realize why her crash had been fatal. The SUV had appeared out of nowhere and was out-of-control and had thrown her against a wall. Holly hadn't been able to make that out thus far, after all - there weren't any scars or marks on her person that gave her any clue as to what really happened.

Standing in her new position, Holly tried to remember what exactly had happened at the moment, 30 years ago.

It surprised her that she couldn't remember the bright lights flashing infront of her, nor the pain of being crushed by this huge vehicle.

It was then Holly realized why exactly she had been brought back to this moment.

She realized her last thoughts as she faced death straight in the eye - hadn't been about forensic pathology or her job or any of the accolades she received in San Francisco.

Her final thought as a person had been of a certain blonde, snarky cop whom she had let slip past her fingers.

The surrounding switched again, as it was with Nirvanaland. She was back in the examination room, thankfully not as a corpse but as a fully clothed person. She seemed to be all alone in the laboratory. The first thing Holly did was turn off the bright examination light that was on. She wasn't going to put herself through that blinding light course again, if she could help it. As she did - she noticed some papers on the table. Surprised, she picked up the two pieces of paper that were.

One was her body tag, and Holly found it quite morbid experience to be holding her tag in her own hands. Next to her was a piece of decorated card - laced with pink roses and ribbons which read 5 simple words.

_Do it right this time._

Holly could feel herself fading once again - for once she was confident she wasn't going back to Nirvanaland._Not this time._

* * *

**What the!**

If Holly thought psychological pain was bad - she had clearly forgotten about physical pain. Every inch of her body ached and she felt like crying out in pain. She tried to cough - only to find something was in her throat. Unable to control herself - she began to gag on what she knew was an intubation tube. She tried opening her eyes, but that wasn't as easy as she thought it to be. If she was back in the physical world, she was going to have to deal with quite a bit of physical obstacles henceforth.

Holly felt someone pull out the tube out of her mouth - and all of a sudden a rush of noise took over her. The bustle of people who seemed to be fussing over her, people exclaiming in joy, the rhythmic whirring of the various medical equipment about her, doctors probing her - checking her for any complications. Someone seemed to slowly calm her down and gave her a sip of water and after much difficulty - Holly managed to open her eyes.

"Do you know your name Miss?"

"Holly." Holly managed to reply in a throaty whisper, confusion taking over her brain.

_Have I been asleep in a coma for 30 years? Didn't I sign a DNR?_

"Do you know where you are?"

"No." Holly replied, trying to piece it all together.

"Brain function seems to be normal for now! Let's keep her on check" voices called out - and Holly gave into the confusion about her - too tired to make sense of all that seemed to be going on. She had done quite a bit of travelling through realms and was tired - yet grateful for it. Finally – she was getting the second chance she had begged for so gave into her thoughts, letting them take her over.

_She was going to have to do it right this time. No matter what. Even if Gail scorned and admonished her - she was going to have to do it right this time._

After hours finally Holly felt like she could try and gain some insight on what was going on. Not realizing she had fallen asleep again - she woke up to find a nurse adjusting various I.V's.

"What happened?"

The nurse probably understood how confused Holly must have been - and began explaining it all as clearly as she could.

"You've been in a coma for 72 days. And though your chances weren't that great - they weren't too bad either. "

"Where is everyone?" Holly thought at least her parents would be there with her.

"They were at the courthouse when you woke up. They visited you when you were asleep."

"The courthouse?"

"Yeah, this blonde woman, Gail I believe, came in from Toronto I believe and challenged your DNR. Flimsy case - but she was willing to do anything to keep you alive for a few more days in the hopes you would wake up."

Holly, for the first time in ages - smiled.

"Oh, and she wanted me to leave you this " the nurse finished - taking out a small card and propping it on top of one of the nearby tables. The nurse then quickly ran off into a nearby room, hearing a bit of commotion outside.

Holly saw the card and if she could have - would have smiled the widest grin ever.

It was a familiar card - with pink roses and ribbons - which read different however.

"Get well soon, Lunchbox." Holly noticed that the 'Lunchbox' was added in Gail's hand and smiled.

_Finally._


End file.
